"When the heart is beautiful, the art is beautiful"
~ Dion Dior
I was scribbling in my sketchbook this weekend. I was feeling frustrated, stuck, and very uninspired. It seems winter is continuing on, despite my strong desire for the contrary. Everyone in my house has been sick with a rotten cold and we're desperate to feel the warm sun on our faces and the spring breeze blow through our windows.
Of course, this state of mind was reflected in the pages of my sketchbook, and at one point my daughter leaned over my shoulder to have a look. She asked why my art today was so ugly? I stopped for a second and asked myself the same question.
Life brings its up and downs for everyone. Everyone's rhythm ebbs and flows. I know mine does. I'm facing some challenges and it seems to be spilling into my journal, which is exactly the right place for it. My young son, who was born a micro-preemie at 24 weeks gestation, weighing only 1lb 3oz, has many challenges and as time goes on, those challenges feel bigger and more overwhelming.
As he approaches his 4th birthday he still has major eating difficulties, along with many developmental delays. Oh, don't get me wrong, he's been making some wonderful progress, but it's just not the same kind of progress as other kids his age. And, it's just that some days are easier than others.
He has a series of major developmental testing coming up over the next few months, starting with further assessments in the "Eating Clinic", and I'm nervous about what it's all going to tell me. On days like today, my heart is heavy and dark with fear and frustration, and that is what my daughter was seeing when she looked at my sketchbook.
I talked to her about the ups and downs of life, that everyone has good days and bad ones, and that it is important to learn to take it all in our stride. I told her that art was my way of processing my feelings and that they are not always flowers and butterflies.
The truth is, my hearts is not always filled with light and color, sometimes it's heavy with worry and frustration...and its at those times that my art is ugly. But when the heart is beautiful, the art is beautiful, and that makes it all worth it.
(This page was not done this weekend, it was done when I was in a much brighter frame of mind. It is Peerless Watercolor and Tombow Watersoluble Markers in my Stillman & Birn Epsilon Series Sketchbook.)
Thanks for checking in. xx