Monday, October 31, 2011

Rosa "Blessings"

Sometimes things just fall into place, and then there are times when nothing seems to fit right.  For years I've been pursuing certain elements of my life that have felt a bit "against the grain".  Working in a corporate environment is one of them.  It has never bought the best out in me, but I did it because it was what was in front of me, it was the natural next step in the long line of expected steps. It was considered a path to independence and financial security. 

Years ago when I was making my choice about what to pursue at college I was steered strongly away from art toward business.  That's fine, I never regretted having the skills I have, especially now, but I have wasted  many years yearning to be my creative self, a yearning that would never be silenced. Fortunately, I never let go of that artistic woman, but I did hide her in a closet, bringing her out only when I was alone. 

When I was in my 20's and 30's I used to sneak off to late night art classes without anyone knowing.  I bought and stashed heaps of art books in my office and spent hours pouring through them.  It was easier back then, I was single and lived alone.  I had a room in my house that was kind of hidden away.  Visitors rarely became curious about it, preferring to assume that it were a store room or the like, when really if they ever ventured to open that door they would have caught a glimpse into the world of a woman they knew nothing was my studio.

Today, I bask happily and proudly in the label of "artist"or "creative".  It doesn't matter what they call me, it's who I am, and I am only just emerging into the full light of day.  My hubby is so proud of me and everything I produce. In fact, he directs anyone who cares to listen to him toward my blog.  He's been hatching a plot to turn our spare room into an art studio for me and his ideas are glorious. (Maybe he's just sick of the clutter on the dining room table?)  Of course it'll take some time to evolve, but I love that he is as enthusiastic about my artistic pursuits as I am.

I'm so blessed that he loves and honors my creative woman.  It hasn't always been like that.  I've been in toxic, superficial relationships that have taken me years to extricate from. I've been humiliated and demeaned because of my "arty-side", and dismissed and marginalized as a "flake".  Well, the "flake" part can sometimes be true, but the rest is just ignorance. 

Today, I can feel my light shining and I love "who I am", especially when I am honoring my true artistic self. I'm just a better person all around.  Sure, there are plenty of ups and downs and sometimes my focus on art can be very tiresome to the people around me.  But just as I love each member of my family and friends for their uniqueness and potential, so they love me.  I wish I had come into this strength 40 years ago, but it doesn't matter, I'm here now!.

So to honor this wonderful place I'm in today, I did a page in my journal called "Rosa Blessings", or "The Blessing Rose". I don't know anything about Roses, just that you have to prune them.  This little beauty came from one of my gardening books, and that's what it was called..."Blessings".   It's a further study of both  watercolor pencils and ink shading techniques that I'm trying to master.  The rose was washed with W&N Artists Watercolor in "Quinacridone Magenta", then enhanced with Derwent Inktense Watercolor Pencil, and finished off with ink. But once I put the white highlights on I felt it was too intense, so I scribbled over the white gel pen with a watercolor pencil in "Fucia".  It toned it down nicely.

And a little confession to leave you with.  When the page was finished, I discovered that I drawn it upside down in my sketchbook.  Silly me!!

Thanks for checking in. xx